my solution, hopefully a step forward

I am no longer a Christian. I think I have found a solution to my static mind. To myself, it is obvious that I no longer accept the views I once did. I might have taken those views for granted accepting the category of christian on my mind, but now that I can't remember with clarity the reasons I made the logical leap to accepting the Christian views as my own, I should no longer call myself a Christian, not that I really ever have except for a few years of my life (probably around 8th, 9th and 10 grade)(another side note: I can't really lie to other people, and it's much harder for me to lie to myself. I just ignore things I guess.. put them off). I think by accepting the Christian views as my own, I stopped searching for truth, and accepted that I had found it, and no more searching was necessary, a mistake I hopefully won't make again, because in order to continually accept truth, I would have to continually live in the truth that I have found and constantly remind myself why I believe what I believe. I think it necessary for me to ditch the prepackaged, easy belief system I've been clinging on to for much too long and start over, hopefully leaving my biases and static, unmotivated mind behind. I think I'm way over-simplifying my mind, but it's close enough.

untitled

I found an old journal with this in it. It's probably a vocabulary story.

A pulse of life was quelled in the massive cloud-tearing tower by the darkness that seemed to inhabit every inch of space. Thunder took over the tower and shook it through its foundation, and rain battered the walls like the darkness pounded the sanity out of the being's mind. How can he be expected to prevail when such an aberration replaced his mind? It was his own fault, I suppose. The syndrome followed the symptoms as that point in time followed the previous point. It was de facto his decisions that chained him to his fate. Is this the ending point of all the malcontents? Then again, would they still believe that there is an ending point where contentedness is found?
A cool sensation spread and disappeared on the man's forehead. His awareness turned to the ceiling where he could see a glimmer disappear only to feel the same coolness on his forehead again. His senses awoke, and his thoughts obsessed over the refreshing feeling like one who was once deaf now taking in every mellifluous note of the human voice. Before his celebration could turn to hedonism, the image of the man in the corner of the darkness replaced his sensual awakening.